I cannot believe how much time and energy I am investing in this guy!!! I thought that we could have a normal relationship -- well then i find out he's married...so that turned out to be JUST for health insurance (supposedly). Now he has like a zillion friends and I respect the hell out of that, but it's just that i have virtually NO ONE and my band is pissing me off really bad right now on top of everything else. I don't know what i'm doing tonight b/c i feel like an absolute failure again -- it happens every time he rejects me. I love this guy -- why is he playing with my heart SO much!!!???!!!

I can't stand being one of 300000000000000 friends. This is fuckin' rediculous. I just feel like he should  call me once in a while instead of me being the one to fuckin' chase him...

I hate this so much. Somebody help me out!!!